By Squeeman on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 04:22 pm:| By Squeeman on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 04:22 pm: |
Okay, a grand collection of the tales of our D&D group that never happened and never will happen. I'm posting the ones that have already been written. Feel free to post or make up your own below.
Just so you remember, Thalimar Nailo was Skater 101's character- an elven druid- who disappeared before the game began, but had half-finished making a character.
Context: A group full of evil people
Quote:::The group is walking through the woods. Ryu is singing
-Thalimar: A fine tune of the woodlands.
-Manello: Stop singing. Its annoying.
::Ryu stops, irritation growing on his face
-Shadakra: (coyly) Continue. Don't mind him.
-Manello: Yes. Don't.
::Suddenly, they come to a clearing, where several elven corpses are strewn about. Ogre tracks lead away from the scene of the devastation. Xion grins widely. Thalimar wears a look of shock.
-Xion: Excellent. Manello, help me to collect their bodies. We will harvest and compleat them. They shall come in handy.
-Manello: Sure. Whatever.
-Thalimar: No! you shall not! This defilement of sacred nature you call 'phyresis' is bad enough. But to allow you to deny my fellow elves the proper rights of funeral, I cannot allow. You are a fiend. Their bodies will be returned to nature.
-Xion: Short-sighted fool. They were weak. That is why they died. Great Yawgmoth is willing to allow incompleat beings of the children into his fold, though.
::The discussion continues, quite futilely. Meanwhile, off to the side, Arunyia, Hagar, and Shadakra are wondering what to do about the ogres.
-Hagar: (in a cliched bobbing Swedish accent) I say we attack them. A few ogres are no problem. Not for stout warriors like ourselves.
-Arunyia: Yes. I have an idea, dwarf. The two of us will take them. You charge in. I will hide and cast spells from the bushes!
::Hagar plows down the trail. Arunyia makes as if to follow, and tiptoes back. Dwarven cries of "Dear gods!" and "Mercy, meeeeeeeeeeeecy!" can be heard in the forest. Eventually they die down.
-Manello: Did you do that for any particular reason?
-Arunyia: Do I need one? Anyway, he was annoying.
::Shadakra nestles up against Arunyia. As he tries to embrace, she slips free and giggles.
-Manello: You know, she's just going to keep doing that.
-Ryu: (coming up to join them) Don't be ridiculous, Manello. I know there are vixens in this world, but please. She looks so pure.
::Manello looks at Ryu in disbelief. Meanwhile, the argument between Xion and Thalimar comes to an end as Thalimar casts some kind of spell to cover the elven bodies ritually, and Xion- ritually- tears out Thalimar's throat with his bare hands.
-Shadakra: Oh my Goddess! Thats terrible!
-Xion: Your concept of 'terrible' is weak and flawed. Only in true darkness will you embrace your full capacity. Thalimar refused to give in to the inevitability that is Phyresis. But his death is merely a greater measure of his failure, as now, his body will also be processed.
-Shadakra: (coyly, and batting her eyes) Oh, I'm weak, am I? Well (she begins to act flirtatiously), we'll see about that.
-Xion: You are of no consequence. Leave me to my thoughts and duties.
::Xion pushes her aside. Ryu, enraged, comes to face him
-Ryu: You will apologize for that. She did nothing.
-Shadakra: Yeah. Ryu, you know I would do nothing to anger him like that.
-Manello: Look. This is ridiculous. Are we going to pick up these corpses or not?
::Ryu simmers down. Manello begins to follow Xion's instructions in dissecting the corpses, while Xion catalogues them. Arunyia is nowhere to be found. Shadakra is enjoying herself, toying with Ryu.
::Suddenly, a cadaver raises as a zombie, and shambles towards Ryu. It begins to ravage him, while the bard reacts in a desperate battle.
-Xion: That is the price of confronting me. Generally, I would not stoop to being so obvious, but my resources are limited here.
::A crossbow bolt shoots out of the trees, into Xion's shoulder. He arcs backwards, seeming to do so less in pain than by the sheer momentum of the blow. A magic missile follows. Xion crashes to the ground, stunned but not unconscious. Arunyia strides out of the trees, wielding his silvered dagger. Manello gazes on, wide eyed.
-Arunyia: You fool. If we can't trust you, why should we allow you to trust us?
::Xion grins ever so slightly. It is a terrifying grin, if seen from the right angle. But Arunyia is looking down at him and sees nothing. The zombified elf leaves an unconscious Ryu on the ground, and shambles towards the unsuspecting drow.
-Xion: You fool. Phyresis is invincible and perfect. You do nothing but prolong your suffering. And since you insist on doing so...
::The zombie grabs at Arunyia from behind, and begins to choke him.
-Shadakra: Die, madman!
::An arrow plunges through Xion's neck, and he falls down dead. At the same time, the zombie collapses, but not before breaking Arunyia's neck. After a stunned moment, the silence of the woods is broken by Ryu's return to consciousness.
-Ryu: Well. This is certainly a good record. We're on what, day two of our questing? And half the party is already dead. What now.
-Manello: Screw this. I'm going back to town. You two can do what you want.
-Shadakra: What? You're going to leave me with HIM? A good puppy, yes, but the good puppies are the ones that bore me quickest!
-Ryu: Hey...
-Manello: Whatever. G'bye.
::Manello leaves. The two remaining member of the party just sort of stand there, blinking. A frog hops by.
-Ryu: Yeah. Maybe we should just go back to town.
-Shadakra: Au contraire. Have you heard of the Frozen Wastes to the north? There's something I just HAVE to show you...
Quote:Shadakra: I cracked my nail on your scalp when I was trying to beat you senseless! You bastard! You'll pay for that!
::kills townsfolk
Quote:-Arunyia: The orcs are coming! We'll never escape!
-Thalimar: I'd entangle them, but I'm out of spells.
-Manello: Wait! I have an idea! (whispers in Arunyia's ear)
-Arunyia: Yes! Ryu, go create a distraction while we ready our plan!
-Ryu: Righto!
::Ryu break dances before the befuddled orcs. The group flees. After a while, the orc leader gets bored. SWISH, goes his battle ax. DOWN go the two halves of Ryu's dead body.
-Arunyia + Manello: Huzzah! No more singing!
Quote:-Xion: It is time to raise this meat to life. PHYRESIS BEGINS NOW!
-Xion: It is time to raise this meat to life. PHYRESIS BEGINS NOW!
-Manello: Okay, look. I respect you and all, but DO YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS REPEAT YOURSELF?! Its REALLY, REALLY annoying! You've already driven off the rest of the party.
-Xion: Shaddap!
-Xion: Shaddap!
-Xion: Stupid cancel post button!
-Manello: What the hell are you talking about?
-Xion: Never you mind.
-Xion: Never you mind.
-Xion: ARGH!
-Manello: Okay, thats it. I'm leaving. This doesn't make sense anymore. Weirdo.
Quote:-Ryu: So, let me get this straight... nope. I just don't get it.
-Arunyia: Look, you dense... Okay. I'm an elf-
-Ryu: But you said you hate elves. I don't get-
-Arunyia: I'm a DIFFERENT kind of elf! My kind has more power than-
-Ryu: Oooh! I didn't know elves had horns!
-Arunyia: They don't. You see-
-Ryu: Wait. So you're NOT an elf?
-Arunyia: I AM an elf. If you'd just-
-Ryu: But you just said that elves don't have horns. You have horns.
-Arunyia: As I was trying to tell you, its because I'm planetouched. I'm an outsider. The blood of devils flows through my veins.
-Ryu: So you're a devil?
-Arunyia: Yes. But-
-Ryu: But you just said you were an elf. Aha! Trying to fool me, eh? Thought you could trick me, eh? Well, you'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to get the best of Ryu, I'll tell you that.
-Arunyia: Look, you imbecile! I'm part elf, part devil! Whats to hard to understand about that?!
-Ryu: ... So what you're TRYING to say...
-Arunyia: I'm not trying to SAY anything! I've said it! You're the one who's too bloody dense to understand what I'm trying to drive into your thick skull!
-Ryu: Okay, okay. I'm not stupid. Just say it now.
-Arunyia: All right. Don't interrupt. Listen CAREFULLY. One side of my family is "drow." Still with me? The "drow" are a type of elves that live underground and have gained a slew of dark powers from their unholy allegiances. Thats why we look and act differently. Keeping up? Now, the OTHER side of my family is part drow and part devil. Still there?
::Ryu stares blankly for a second. Then nods... slowly.
-Arunyia: Good. Thus, I am a being of great supernatural powers.
-Ryu: Like how you make all them purty lights flicker about?
-Arunyia: (sighs) Yes. And more. But in exchange for my great supernatural prowess, the Powers that Be have dictated that I attain power more slowly than other, less mighty beings. Think of it as a metaphysical trade.
-Ryu: So, wait. There's just something bugging me. If you REALLY are more powerful than, say, me, but I'm more skilled than you, how can you REALLY say that you're superior? I mean, if its all balanced out, then you aren't really better than me at all, are you?
-Arunyia: But...
-Ryu: No. You can't simply claim superiority and not back it up like that. To whit, you need to QUANTIFY power. Otherwise there's no real comparison, is there?
-Arunyia: ... Wait a minute. When did YOU get so damn clever?!
::Shadakra and Manello walk up
-Manello: You know, you shouldn't try to reason with him, drow. You'll just encourage him.
-Ryu: Whats that supposed to mean? I-
-Shadakra: "Break-dancing"
::Ryu's lip quivers for a second, then his eyes glaze over. The next second, he is on the ground, doing what the others can only describe as "thrashing about like a madman"
-Arunyia: Interesting... And this works every time?
-Manello: Yep. Actually, Thalimar figured it out.
-Shadakra: Yeah. Technically speaking, we all owe him much more than we could ever pay.
Quote:-Evil Boss: You pathetic fools. Now I shall destroy you. Did you really think that merely FIVE people could defeat ME?!
-Ryu: Actually, we're six.
-Evil Boss: Six? I count only five.
-Ryu: No, no. we're six all right.
-Evil Boss: (looking around nervously) You... you're bluffing!
::Suddenly, everyone in the group sees the opportunity Ryu has created. The enemy is disconcerted.
-Manello: Not at all. What makes you think that we'd be stupid enough to come against you with only five people?
-Shadakra: Thats right. We have an archer trained on you right now. At any minute, from any location, you could be slain by the greatest bowman in the land.
-Xion: You seem to have lost your confidence. Who is the fool now?
-Arunyia: I'm going to enjoy drinking your blood...
::The evil boss' eyes dart around desperately.
-Evil Boss: Where are you? Come out! I command it!
-Ryu: Oh he's not here. He's in the hospital. Yeah, he got totally trashed earlier. And why are you looking around like that? Its not like he could hide if he wanted to. He's a dwarf, you know...
::The evil boss smiles triumphantly. The group gets fireballed.
::As their departed souls drift towards the various Lower Planes, Xion, Shadakra, and Arunyia share a final conversation before the memories of their lives are erased.
-Arunyia: You know what REALLY sucks about this?
-Xion & Shadakra: What?
-Arunyia: Now that Ryu's dead, we can't kill him just for being an idiot.
Quote:::Arunyia betrays the group, fireballing them.
-Arunyia: Hahahaha! You were all fools for trusting me! Wait, what the...
::Manello is standing in the billowing smoke, unscathed.
-Arunyia: You... you should be dead!
-Manello: Yeah. Huh. I don't get it either. Look- my clothes are still intact.
-Arunyia: But... but... No matter!
::Arunyia levels his crossbow, and fires three bolts in rapid succession at Manello. The bolts bounce off him and fall with rather miserable 'PLOIKs' to the ground.
-Arunyia: Argh! You must be some type of demon!
-Manello: Look, I have no clue what's going on...
-Arunyia: DIE!
::Arunyia grabs his dagger and rapier and charges Manello. After about 15 minutes of pointless hacking, Arunyia gives up, exhausted. Manello walks off, just as puzzled.
Quote:::The group is on the edge of a fiery pit of doom, about to fall in
-Arunyia: Ha! It turns out that I worshipped Asmodeus all along. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-Manello: And that makes WHAT difference? We're all going to die, you fool! Who cares?!
-Arunyia: That may well be, but I've made a dramatic revelation! What have YOU done, eh?
-Manello: Idiot...
Quote:-Shadakra: I said NO! (swing, slash, kill)
-Ryu: Awww, come on. Give us a try! (strike, splattering organs)
-Shadakra: There is no "US," Ryu! Give it up. (parry, lacerate)
-Ryu: You know you want to... (thrust, cleave)
-Shadakra (to herself): Grr. This is annoying. Battle... idiot... can't concentrate... (gore, riposte)
::Ryu flashes a sparkly white, perfect smile.
-Ryu: Come ooooon...
-Shadakra: I- Argh! I can't think... Yes! Take me, Ryu!
::Leaps at him joyously.
-Ryu: What the?!
::They both fall over. Orcs surround and slaughter them.
Quote:-Lich: Fools! You have stumbled upon my lair, and foiled my plans! For that you shall die!
-Manello: Wait! We can talk about this!
-Lich: Talk? Ha! Do you not know with whom you deal? I am the darkness unto the light of this world. I am the Scourge that terrifies all men's dreams, the shadowy cloak of doom that shall envelope this land. None can know my name and live free of fear. None can gaze upon my unholy countenance and retain any measure of sanity!
-Manello: But listen. I have a compromise.
-Lich: A compromise? But... but... I am the darkness unto the light of this world. I am the Scourge that terrifies all men's dreams, the shadowy cloak of-
-Manello: Yes, and we appreciate that. Really we do.
-Ryu: But think of it this way.
-Shadakra: You *could* rot in this cave forever. Proclaiming your evil to those who pass by.
-Manello: Right. And not that thats a bad thing... But think about it. If we bring news of you to humanity, you could extend your undoubtably horrendous grip over all the nearby lands.
-Lich: Ha, I'm not falling for that.
::Xion whispers in Manello's ear.
-Manello: (sigh) You drive a hard bargain. Okay. We'll throw in the bard for the balance. You keep him, we go free and spread word of your undoubtably great scheme of conquest and unholy terror.
-Lich: (smiling) Done
-Ryu: Hey!
::As the group walks away from the cave, Manello congratulates Xion
-Manello: A stroke of genius, Xion. A stroke of genius.
And so didst the heroes go on to achieve great victories o'er the land. Not once did they raise arms in battle, for theirs were the pure hearts of *true* cowards.
Quote:Evil Wizard: "I have lured the group to my secret hideout to wipe them out once and for all. I will no longer be tormented by their quest to finish me off." *Cackles very evilly*
Evil Minion: "Sir! Sir! The group of adventurers is arriving over the crst of the evil wizard tower hill!"
Evil Wizard: "Ahh. Time to at last feast my eyes on this party that has been wreaking havoc with my evil plans." *Goes to the evil wizard tower window*
*About 20,000 adventurers, armed to the teeth with spells and weapons storm the hill, pouring forth toward the tower*
Evil wizard: "WHAT?!? YOU TOLD ME THERE WAS ONLY A PARTY OF ADVENTURERS!"
Evil minion: "It is, sir. It's just been getting bigger. Shall we run away screaming about now, sir?"
Quote:::The Evil Overlord has cornered the group. His troops have been dispatched by the heroic efforts of the characters.
-Evil Overlord: Well done. You may have triumphed over my troops, but now you must face ME!
-Shadakra: We're ready for you!
-Ryu: Yeah! Bring it on!
-Arunyia: We shall see who triumphs this day.
::Shadakra aims coldsnap. Ryu charges. Arunyia readies his crossbow. Hagar and Grompsh hoist their heavy weapons. Manello sneaks around to backstab.
-Twilight: Ha! Feel the wrath of my revealing undergarments!
::Throws a thong.
Quote:::The battle continues. The Evil Overlord aims a well-placed knee in Grompsh' crotch. Then, punches the back of his neck. The half-orc falls.
-Evil Overlord: One down. Six to go.
::He swings around, catching Hagar in the face with his armored elbow. There is a bone-crunching sound. The dwarf, dazed and bloodied, topples backwards.
-Evil Overlord: This is too easy!
-Shadakra: Oh, really? Take this!
::She is about to launch an arrow. The Evil Overlord throws a dagger, severing Cold Snap's string, which zings back, stinging Shadakra in the face. The Evil Overlord closes on her. She draws Frostbite, the axe.
-Shadakra: (snarling) You won't get me that easily.
::She lunges at him. He parries easily with his greatsword, and returns the blow, knocking her on the forehead with the hilt.
-Evil Overlord: Is that so? Who's left?
-Arunyia: You fight well. But lets see you catch a crossbow bolt!
-Evil Overlord: Why bother?
::Before the crossbow is fully loaded, a magic missile fires out from the Evil Overlord's hands, catching the demonic drow in the stomach. He doubles over and falls agonizingly to the ground.
-Evil Overlord: Argh!
::Ryu is pummeling his face with punches. The Evil Overlord headbutts the bard. Their skulls come together with a sickening thud. Ryu passes out.
-Evil Overlord: Not so fast!
:He swings around, catching Manello's wrist just before the rogue manages to backstab him. He hoists Manello up with the strength of one arm, and jerks it quickly, snapping Manello's bone. As Manello groans with pain, the Evil Overlord kicks him in the face. He topples backwards and doesn't move.
-Evil Overlord: Well, thats taken care of those fools- what? Whats this?
::He carefully removes the pink bra from the spikes of his armor.
-Twilight: I'm not done yet, fiend!
::She hurls her entire wardrobe at him, article by article. Soon, his legs are covered and he can't move.
-Evil Overlord: Nooooooooooooo- kkthcgk!
::He drowns in the suggestive lingerie, choking on a thong.
::Twilight goes around, reviving her friends.
-Ryu: The pain... the paaaaaaain...
-Manello: I know she saved us and all... but it SUCKS that we lost our only cleric.
Quote:-Shadakra: We've (pant) been looking for twelve days! This is just a big hot desert! What do you hope to gain?!
-Xion: Yes, enough of this foolishness!
-Arunyia: All the magic of the whole freaking Underdark couldn't produce something interesting in this big mess!
::Manello ignores them. Keeps sifting through the sand.
-Arunyia: Listen to us, you madman! There. Is. Nothing. Here!
-Manello: Must... keep... looking... for... secret! You!
::He glances suspiciously at Ryu.
-Manello: You! You missed a rock there! NO SLACKING!
-Ryu: Grrrrrrrr. I'm getting sick of this!
:: Throws the rock at Manello's head.
-Ryu: Lets get the hell out of here before he wakes up
-The Others: Agreed.
Quote:-Ryu: So anyway, I was just thinking that you and I...
-Shadakra: Grrr. Sweet Goddess, MAKE IT END!
::A portal flashes behind him. Ryu, Grompsh, and Hagar get sucked through. There is a moment of silence.
-Manello: Ummmmmmmmm. What just happened?
-Xion: Its clear. Some sort of portal has sucked our companions to another place...
::There is more silence.
-Manello: So... that... means... no more of Ryu's inanities and 'break dancing'? No more dumb demi-humans grunting and feeling irrational needs to oil each others' muscles?
-Arunyia: No more stupidity?
-Shadakra: (gasp) Sweet Marit Lage... No more Ryu?
::The group is silent for another moment, contemplating the wonderful turn that their lives have taken, not daring to do anything to spoil the moment lest it turn out to be a dream or false hope.
-Manello: Well... This is cool.
::Meanwhile, in another plane of existence.
-Grompsh: What just happen?
-Hagar: Aye, this be confusing?
- A Stranger: Welcome to the Demiplane of Tax-Free Everflowing Beer and Perpetual, Non-Lethal Violence For Which no Justification Is Needed. We hope that your stay is a long and pleasant one.
::The group glances back at the portal, shrinking behind them already. Grompsh and Hagar wear wide grins. Ryu thinks for a moment. His jaw is set. He looks back at the portal.
-Ryu: I'm sorry. I can't do this. My friends need me. I've been with them from the beginning...
::He leaps through the portal. Meanwhile, on the other side, Shadakra is praying to her goddess for thanks. Her arms are wide open, as if to embrace her deity.
-Shadakra: Thank you, oh Icy One, for bringing me the greatest gift that could ever be bestowed...
::The portal flashes. Ryu stumbles through into Shadakra's open arms.
-Ryu: I knew you had a thing for me!
-Shadakra: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (gasp... inhale) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (gasp... inhale) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (gasp... inhale) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
::She finds a wall, and starts slamming her head against it, shouting "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk "No!" bonk...
-Ryu (to the others): Yeah. I have that effect on women. They just can't keep up with the great charm I exude.
Quote:-Manello: So, what you are trying to say is that we should cross the Plains of Doom, trek across the Marshes of the Restless Dead, Sail Across the Seas of Insanity, scale the Mountains of Darkness, make our way to the stronghold of the da...
-Draccouth: You forgot "crossing the river of fire."
-Manello: Right. ...cross the river of fire, make our way to the stronghold of the Dark Lord, and confront him. And then what, genius?
-Draccouth: Well, the righteous thing to do would be to stand at his castle gates and let him know we're there. In the name of all thats right, we would then shout a formal challenge, of course. just so he knows our terms.
-Arunyia: Yes, I'm certain that he'd just march out, unarmed and unaccompanied, and listen to your challenge. Then, seeing the error of his ways, just cast his evil aside and want to to atone...
-Draccouth: Thats the way of it, yes. And if, for some ungodly reason, he does not, I shall smite him in single combat. To which he will undoubtably accept on fair terms.
::Silence. Draccouth looks around expectantly.
-Ryu: (whispering to Shadakra) Okay, thats it. We ditch Captain Stupid the first chance we get.
-Shadakra: Oh my goddess! I AGREE with you! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Quote:::The zombies have the group surrounded in a cave
-Xion: There are too many! We must flee!
-Arunyia: But we're trapped in here! There's no way out!
-Draccouth: Sure there is... see that tunnel behind us?
::The group turns. Sure enough, there is a large tunnel behind them where before there was only rock.
-Manello: Wait a minute... That wasn't there before.
-Draccouth: Yes it was. It's been there the whole time.
-Manello: What? That doesn't make sense... We were SURROUNDED. There was a rock face behind us. Thats what constitutes being surrounded!
-Draccouth: Well screw you. I'm getting out by the tunnel.
::Draccouth bounds through the tunnel. The remaining group members look around at each others' faces, confused.
-Manello: I don't care. I still refuse to believe in that stupid tunnel.
::The tunnel shimmers shut.
-Manello: Crap...
Quote:-Manello: Hello mister orc. Will you do what I say?
-Orc: Why yes, I'd be delighted.
-Manello: Thank you. Now, could you please hold my weapons while I bend over and tie my shoelaces?
-Orc: Of course... muahahahahahahaha!
-Manello: What was that?
-Orc: Nothing... nothing.
Quote:::There is a big battle. Ryu dies.
-Arunyia: Can it be?
-Shadakra: (gasps) Are we finally rid of him? Of that idiot, Ryu?
::Kaos the orc bounds in
-Kaos: Ta-daaaa!
-Manello: Ummmm... who are you?
-Kaos: I'm Kaos. Will you be my best buddy?
-Manello: Uh oh. This is disconcertingly familiar.
::Kaos starts breakdancing
-Kaos: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
-Manello, Xion, Arunyia: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
-Shadakra: KILL!
::She lunges at the half-orc
Quote:::Xion leads the group to the laboratory, hidden by a little forest. He pushes aside the last bush covering the view...
-Xion: Gasp! My lab... it was right here!
-Manello: Well, there's nothing there now.
::Xion runs around, looking for his missing lab
-Xion: But it has to be! I was here just yesterday!
-Shadakra: Look, the grass here has never even been stepped on! You're making this up as you go along.
-Xion: No... I swear!
-Ryu: Okay, who's the crazy idiot now?
-Arunyia: you are. Shut up.
-Hagar: I'm thinkin' yer lying to us, lad.
-Grompsh: Do not waste Grompsh' time, manling.
-Xion: Fine. Do not believe me. This is a mystery I will have to sol-
-Kaos: I WUV you guys.
-Manello: Who the hell are you?
-Arunyia: And where did you come from?
-Ryu: Yeah. Only I get to say that in this group.
-Kaos: Ryu, will you be my best buddy?
-Ryu: Okay.
-Manello: What the hell is going on here?
-Ryu and Kaos: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
-Shadakra: Has anyone else noticed that Ryu never gave this half-orc his name?
-Hagar: Wait a minute... Ryu and Kaos- don't you two hate each other?
-Xion: And who told you the half-orc's name was Kaos?
-Ryu: Hey, wait a minute. Are you my half-brother Kaos who I really hate and want to kill?
-Kaos: Ummmmm... no. I'm ANOTHER Kaos!
-Ryu: Oh, okay. Lets breakdance!
-Gix and Crovax: Hooray!
::Ryu and Kaos and Gix and Crovax break dance.
-Manello: ...what in the Nine Hells and infinite layers of the Abyss is going on here?
-Arunyia: I dunno. I think the author just got off track.
-Manello: I think the author's just a retard.
-Arunyia: Yeah, probably.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 05:34 pm: |
Rofl... this is great stuff
| By Squeeman on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 06:08 pm: |
Well, I think Manello's last line sums it up pretty well.
| By kaos on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 08:52 pm: |
i just dont understand what she ment -Shadakra: Au contraire. Have you heard of the Frozen Wastes to the north? There's something I just HAVE to show you...
| By Squeeman on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 09:02 pm: |
The following is a quote from Yldal's description of Shadakra.
Quote:Shadakra is fickle, vain and decidedle evil. She has a heart of ice, remaining untouched by any hint of true love, noble feeling, or honor. She enjoys toying with those who offend her, tempting them with her favors, then getting them lost in the frozen wilds before she lets them freeze to death.
| By Xion on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 09:10 pm: |
:The party has come the the lair of the evil demon king who plans on enslaving all of existence. in the middle of the room is an alter overflowing with blood. Hundreds of worshipers stand around it chanting hyms of darkness. The party is on an upper level of the room, looking down. They are hiding in the shadows planning which course of action to take:
Xion: There are too many, we will surely be captured.
Manello: No, there has to be some way (begins discussing an elaborate plan).
:Xion and Manello continue to discuss thier plans when suddenly a portal wreathed in flames appears from the alter, and the demon king steps forth into the world to drink the concecrated blood offerings:
Shadakra: We are too late.
Aruniya: No...you...can't :Suddenly his eyes flash red and he smiles fiendishly. Aruniya's other demonic half has taken hold, he smiles with unholy malice: My lord... at long last you have returned.
Manello: His other self has taken control, he will seek to aid his demon lord in spreading the fires of armageddon.
Aruniya- Fools, my feeble counterpart is gone forever, and now in darkness (demon king's name) shall rule all!
Draccouth- Never! :draws sword, and attacks Aruniya who effortlessly swats the paladin aside:
Aruniya: Your blood will consecrate my master's return to this world. : Begins walking twoards the rest of the group:
:The unholy ceremony continues, fires burning, the worshipers hyms of discord and darkness echo throught the room. Witches dance for thier master who sits in a throne made from the bones of angels enjoying the spectace:
Xion: :draws his scythe: The darkness will rule, but under my master's vision. You cannot prevent our inevitable victory.
Aruniya: The world is merely his plaything to do with as he likes. There are far grander worlds for him to conquer. You, and your master are only pawns in his game. Now that you have played your part there is no further reason for you to live.
Ryu: Hey, that's not very nice demon guy!! x____x
Aruniya: :Shoots flames from his eyes and melts Ryu alive:
To be continued....(hopefully by squeeman)
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 04:38 am: |
On Aiman's lack of interest:
Aiman: What are you doing here?
Manello: Relax, we mean no harm. Who are you?
Aiman: Aiman the wanderer.
Manello: Aren't you scared of the big orcs invading the city?
Aiman: No.
Manello: Do you want to join us and leave the city?
Aiman: No.
Manello: Uh, you don't care if the orcs destroy the city and kill you?
Aiman: No.
Manello: (whispers) Hagar! Glare!
Hagar: *glares*
Aiman: *files his nails*
Manello: Darn. Shadakra! String your bow!
Shadakra: *strings Cold Snap*
Aiman: *yawns*
Manello: Hmm. We need some random craziness.
Ryu: *break dances*
Aiman: *reads newspaper*
Manello: We'll need to scare this guy up!
Xion: *Looks creepy and calculating*
Aiman: *Eats popcorn*
Manello: Unmen! Do your job!
Grompsh: *wearing bloody robes and unholy symbol, chanting*
Arunyia: *Eating heart of pure innocent, turning into demon*
Draccouth: *Drinking blood from sword*
Aiman: *Falls asleep*
Manello: Ok. I guess that worked. Guys, carry him off!
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 06:51 am: |
Arunyia, not able to accept defeat, strides up to Aiman.
*His eyes light up, his cape billows around him without wind, fire bursts from random places all around the old man and Arunyia.*
Aiman: What have you done?
Arunyia: Welcome to hell...
*Aiman screams, and falls to his knees.*
Aiman: I'll do whatever you want! Just don't hurt meeeeeeeeeeee!!
*Arunyia snaps his fingers, and the fire dissipates.*
Arunyia: You know how to escape, don't you, good friend?
Aiaman *sweating profusely, nods head*
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 09:30 am: |
You want me to finish it? Okay. I promise to try not to have it degenerate into total stupidity. I will try to take it in the direction similar to that which I think you would have led it to.
Quote::The party has come the the lair of the evil demon king who plans on enslaving all of existence. in the middle of the room is an alter overflowing with blood. Hundreds of worshipers stand around it chanting hyms of darkness. The party is on an upper level of the room, looking down. They are hiding in the shadows planning which course of action to take:
Xion: There are too many, we will surely be captured.
Manello: No, there has to be some way (begins discussing an elaborate plan).
:Xion and Manello continue to discuss thier plans when suddenly a portal wreathed in flames appears from the alter, and the demon king steps forth into the world to drink the concecrated blood offerings:
Shadakra: We are too late.
Aruniya: No...you...can't :Suddenly his eyes flash red and he smiles fiendishly. Aruniya's other demonic half has taken hold, he smiles with unholy malice: My lord... at long last you have returned.
Manello: His other self has taken control, he will seek to aid his demon lord in spreading the fires of armageddon.
Aruniya- Fools, my feeble counterpart is gone forever, and now in darkness (demon king's name) shall rule all!
Draccouth- Never! :draws sword, and attacks Aruniya who effortlessly swats the paladin aside:
Aruniya: Your blood will consecrate my master's return to this world. : Begins walking twoards the rest of the group:
:The unholy ceremony continues, fires burning, the worshipers hyms of discord and darkness echo throught the room. Witches dance for thier master who sits in a throne made from the bones of angels enjoying the spectace:
Xion: :draws his scythe: The darkness will rule, but under my master's vision. You cannot prevent our inevitable victory.
Aruniya: The world is merely his plaything to do with as he likes. There are far grander worlds for him to conquer. You, and your master are only pawns in his game. Now that you have played your part there is no further reason for you to live.
Ryu: Hey, that's not very nice demon guy!! x____x
Aruniya: :Shoots flames from his eyes and melts Ryu alive:
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 11:40 am: |
Notes on that last one:
1) Xion, I tried to keep the 'compleat' Xion true to your description when you first created the level twenty character. Yawgmoth used nanites to alter him. Once again, I'm sorry if I didn't finish the story as you intended it to end.
2) I apologize if I wrote any of your characters badly. This is an apology I do not make for the silly stories, since they are just jokes, but if anyone was written too inacurately, then sorry. Also, I tend to lose my concentration and resort to cliches when I'm not making inane jokes, which is why my writing is unorganized and bad.
3) Sorry for making Manello the 'hero' (sort of). Lack of authorial integrity on my part.
4) Manello's sword is like the arena ones in Apocalypse. I figured that if you strike at someone who's possessed, only the possessive spirit would be destroyed.
5) At the end, I wasn't sure whether Arunyia would be happy or sad that his master had left him. Thus, I made him numb. Also, I wasn't sure what would happen afterwards, so I left the aftermath untold.
6) Presumably, Azrarel fled Draccouth's body and was not killed.
7) Never piss off Shadakra.
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 11:41 am: |
7) b. Unless you are Ryu, have membership in a hospital program that guarantees free organ transplants, or both.
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 11:43 am: |
Lol, Yldal, thats funny, although I think Aiman is being more evasive and defensive than bored.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 12:42 pm: |
True, though it occured to me that you may as well be trying to question or impress a tree for all the effect it is having, at least so far 
| By Xion on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 03:01 pm: |
In completion, I would be a massive collective of nano-machines, my body and all of its mechanisms would be merley convinience of my mind much like a planeswalker. I do not neglect the forces of darkness, as they are the source of Xion's necromantic powers. All of the dietys using thier followers as avatars seemed rather corny. The cultists could probably outnumber and slay two lone members of the party, and Aruniya's deity had already stepped through the portal and fully manifested. Other than that it was done fairly well.
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 03:33 pm: |
Tsk tsk. I didn't see Shadakra becoming an avatar there.
But my reasoning was thus:
1) Draccouth is controlled by a demon. He seems to be Azrarel's only worshipper so far. Arunyia is controlled, to an extent, by some sort of dark lord, who has placed something or other in his mind. If Xion were to become compleat in five seconds, it WOULD take something like divine intervention. And, at any rate, Xion, of all of them, still retained control over himself, so he wasn't really an avatar. Think of it more as what Yawgmoth did to Gerrard after the arena fights- only more intense. Of all Phyrexians, only Yawgmoth can shape himself at a whim.
2) The way I wrote it, Arunyia's god was fully in the world, but was still somewhat attached to Arunyia. Thus, this part had to be liberated.
3) All generic cultists are pushovers. Everyone knows that. Its a fact of life. Also, I assume that we would have significantly levelled up by then.
Well, whatever. I'm not trying to force you to like it, I'm only explaining the logic I followed. Apologies on the "darkness" thing, though.
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::The Dark Lord steps into the world
-Dark Lord: Mwahahahahahahaha! I am the Dark Lord. I have come to this world.
-Ryu: So you're the Feudal Hierarchical Leader of the Absence of Decent Amounts of Lighting? Well whoopti-freakin'-doo. That's sure impressive.
::The Dark Lord stares at Ryu for a moment, then blasts him with a fireball.
| By Xion on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 03:52 pm: |
Y@wgmoth is not a phyrexian, and there is no reason why others cannot be made to change shape at will. These cultists all had dark powers, and they probably could have won through superior numbers alone. There were hundreds of them, and only two people against them. I think that it is not Aruniya's master who shares his mind with him, but one of his minions. It was still fairly well done.
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 04:06 pm: |
Hmm. I missed the fact that there were hundreds of them. Also, when I wrote it, I neglected to take into account the fact that they were all on a sort of ledge, viewing it all from above. Well, I suppose it can still kind of work, if there's enough space.
And hey! Maybe Grompsh and Hagar could have done away with the culists by throwing large rocks at them.
Hmph. Nah.
Dare I say... oops?
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 09:57 pm: |
Well, Xion tends to be hard to please, I've noticed. I enjoyed the story myself. And I didn't even have my character get turned into some powerful avatar of evil. (Though she did get the chance to kick some evil drow demon avatar butts)
| By Squeeman on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 11:40 pm: |
Well I thought four avatars would be overdoing it. Three avatars? Pshh. Happens all the time. Four? Now thats just silly. Also, I don't think Shadakra's goddess would have any stake in manifesting that situation anyway. I mean, Arunyia's god was already there, Draccouth's lord manipulates the paladin's every move and seems to place a lot of value on him, and Xion's god... well it would be kind of pointless to have a religious squabble where only one of the gods manifests.
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-Arunyia: Your Yawmgoth is nothing. My god and I are ONE!
-Xion: That may well be, but...
::Xion thinks to himself- Come on, Lord Yawgmoth. If there's any time to help me defeat your enemies, that time is now. Silence answers him.
-Arunyia: "That may well be, but..." But what?
-Xion: Ummmm. THIS!
::Throws a rock and Arunyia's head and runs away, slamming the door
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Although offhand, I'm not sure if ranger get any ice spells. My guess would be not, but I don't know.
| By Greven (Evercursed) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 12:21 am: |
Very good
What god does Hagar worship again?
| By Squeeman on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 12:45 am: |
Well, at least people don't mind when their characters get skewered.
Quote:Hagar is a sturdy dwarf with a long, black beard. His face is covered with hideous scars, that look as if they were made by sharp claws. He wears simple traveller's clothes. He speaks with a nordic accent. What catches the eye is his axe, covered with runes and carvings. A mug of ale is painted on his wooden shield.
| By Greven (Evercursed) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 12:54 am: |
At least Draccouth died an honorable death. It might have worked if Arzarael/Draccouth unleashed a massive spell of mass destruction in an attempt to kill Aruniya/Demon and instead, killed himself and random cultists.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 02:11 am: |
Actually, I've been meaning to ask Nemesis this, and I've wanted to ask over AIM for some reason, but I don't actually see why.
Nemesis, is it ok for Shadakra to replace any fire-based spells with cold-based ones? This is strictly for role-playing reasons, it wouldn't actually change any power level of the spells.
Like, for instance, Burning Hands would be Freezing Hands, and it would deal 1d4 cold damage instead of 1d4 fire damage.
It just doesn't make sense for her to wield fire when she loathes it.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 02:12 am: |
Hmmm... maybe I should ask that in the actual commentary thread.
| By Hagar Brokkson (Invain) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 06:37 am: |
Congrats Squeeman, that was perfectly unfunny
As for Greven's question, I wouldn't call Hagar very religious. He shouted Sigmar's name in battle, but it was just because I couldn't remember any D&D dwarven gods, so I used a Warhammer one. Not a big deal.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 06:03 pm: |
I think that there could be more to the ending:
Arunyia awakens, bloodied and bound in Xion's laboratory. Shadakra has Coldsnap aimed at him, Manello stands with the ebon blade to his throat, and Xion sits on his new spider-like torso just in front of him, his hands in front of his face as if dweep in thought.
Xion is the first to speak. "So," he says in a calm, utterly emotionless voice that sounds almost like a mechanical hiss. "I sense that your "god" has deserted you. Of course, you understand he is nothing in comparison to great Yawgmoth, and that you stood no chance."
Arunyia's eyes look distant. "You know nothing of him. He is so ancient, even we followers don't know his name. Perhaps it's time I told you..." Arunyia is cut short, as his body convulses somewhat. Through the pain, he somehow manages to speak. "You shouldn't have let me live! As long as I'm alive, I can't escape him!! I wanted nothing to do with his vision, his desire to overthrow the other gods. So I was punished with this dual nature, and now, even with his soul removed, he still plagues me! You must kill me! KILL ME!!"
Xion and Manello prepare to kill Arunyia. They stop, as Shadakra suddenly shouts, "ENOUGH!" There are tears in her eyes, yet she looks enraged. "I will do the deed." Xion and Manello back away from the bound Arunyia, who stares at Shadakra as she approaches him. She stoops crouches down to his level, her face level with his.
"Do it... please..." Arunyia pleads with Shadakra. With tears in her eyes, she rises and raises Frostbite to finish the job. Then, she hesitates.
"For all the pain I've caused, for all I could have stopped, please..." Arunyia pleads. "Release me. I've lived far too long, been under his control for an eon. I need to be free."
Shadakra kneels back down to Arunyia, a different look in her eyes. Unexpectedly, she embraces and kisses him. Manello and Xion look on in shock.
"I wish I knew what I was doing," she says in a hushed voice. "You caused so much pain, so much hurt, yet I know, in my heart, it wasn't your doing. I will help you be free, but you'll have to settle with life."
She cuts the rope that binds him. Manello starts to rush forward, but Xion holds him back, a terrible grin on his face.
Shadakra helps Arunyia to his feet. Holding him on her soulder, she faces Manello and Xion. "I'm sorry, but I'm leaving, heading North again." Her eyes look saddened by their parting. "Perhaps forever." She turns to leave the laboratory.
With her back turned, she can't see Xion speeding towards her with his stinger aimed at her. "You will stay here and be compleated in Yawgmoth's grand vision!" He shouts, as he screams through the air towards her.
Arunyia, in perhaps the one selfless act he ever performed in his nearly seven-thousand years of life, pushes Shadakra out of harms way. Xion's stinger sinks into his stomach with a sickening sound, yellowish poison oozing about the edges of the wound. Xion withdraws it in a spray of black blood and putrid venom, and Arunyia falls sputtering blood to the floor.
"NOOOO!" Shadakra screams. 'Why, why, why?' she thinks. 'I finally found somebody to care about, and now he's gone. I hate you, Xion! I HATE YOU!!' Shadakra leaps on Xion's back, Coldsnap now glowing white with some unknowable force. She slashes into Xion's back, the cuts freezing over as she hacks away. Xion screams a terrible, mechanical squall as he frantically swats at Shadakra with his tail and legs. Manello finally snaps out of his daze, and rushes to help his master.
"Get off of him!" Manello yells as he swings at Shadakra with the black sword. She does a twirl and dodges it, directing the blade downward. It cuts into Xion's back amidst a jumble of tubes that flow with golden glistening-oil. There is a flash of darkness, and when it clears, Xion is nowhere to be seen, and Manello lies staring at the ceiling blankly, still gripping the ebon bladed sword. It is now dull gray, and no longer glows in his hands. Shadakra frezes the sword with her ice spells, then shatters it with Coldsnap. Manello and Xion's souls are left to rot in-between life and death with Arunyia's other half.
Shadakra rushes over to where Arunyia lies, still somehow alive. She takes his hand in hers, and is shocked to see what happens next. The demonic horns recede into his head, his nails shorten to normal length, and his sharpened teeth fall out, replaced by normal ones. He looks into her eyes, a strange, distant look. "I'm sorry..." he barely whispers. "So sorry... forgive me, Ryu, Hagar, Grompsh, all of you, but especially you Shadakra."
She clutches his hand tighter, knowing he will not survive much longer. "I forgive you," she whispers back, kissing his forehead and cradling him in her arms. "I forgive you..." she rocks back and forth, tears running down her face. Arunyia's hand goes limp in hers, and she knows he is gone.
In a strange twist of fate, Arunyia ascends into the realm of light for his sacrifice. There are four souls wating for him at the gates between the planes. He meets Ryu's, Grompsh's, Hagar's, and Draccouth's soul, and they put aside their differences, embracing as friends. They leave the Prime Material together, and await the day Shadakra will join them.
fin.
| By Jimmy Patterson (Maraxus) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 06:13 pm: |
:tear, tear:
remind me again how grompsh died
| By kaos on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 06:37 pm: |
that was great *hugglez everybody for no reason*
| By Squeeman on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 06:57 pm: |
Actually, I don't see where Manello dies. Okay, he accidentally kills Xion... then theres a swirl of black... then he's dead.
Killing Xion kills him? Thats what sense I made of it.
I liked it. Nice and touching.
Maraxus: Grompsh dies in part 2 of the story, when he charges Arunyia and gets swatted aside. Now, the tale I wrote doesn't explicitly say this, but he died at that moment from a combination of bad health habits. First of all, his calcium intake was too low. His bones shattered like glass. And his heart was weak too. The shock of the blow just ended it all. Also, Grompsh developed diabetes earlier on, and had just spent the past four hours drinking maple syrup out of a keg. Not to mention his dangerous cholesterol level, internal bleeding from the reopening of a previous wound, and an incurable case of tuberculosis.
| By Xion on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 07:56 pm: |
It was a good ending, the love scene with Shadakra and Aruniya was compelling and tragic. I know that my goal is to spread Yawgmoth's vision, but I dont know if I would be so heartless. In truth Xion is not entirely as cold and emotionless as he seems. Deep down in his icy black heart there is still some shread of humanity left in him....Still, it was VERY well done. Congratulations on an excellent performance.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:13 pm: |
I thank you. I really enjoy love stories that ALMOST happen. It's just so deliciously tragic.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:14 pm: |
Also, neither Xion, Manello, nor the dark side of Arunyia died. They are merely trapped in a sort of Limbo.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:25 pm: |
Also, I loved the part where Draccouth repents. It was so thrilling to read. You captured the evil half of Arunyia so perfectly, it was amazing.
Quote:-Draccouth: What... have I done. Furthered the whims of this demon. And I called myself a paladin. A PALADIN!
::He looks up at Arunyia. His face turns to Shadakra, who seems indecisive about something. He makes up his mind.
-Draccouth: I can still redeem myself.
::With superhuman effort, he lifts himself to his feet grips his greatsword and takes two strides toward Arunyia. But the demon-drow is faster. In a flash, he moves forwards. His rapier impales Draccouth. The dying drow smiles wanly, staring Arunyia in the eyes.
-Draccouth: I'm sorry we both had to be damned.
::Arunyia smiles wickedly and places his hands over the drow's heart. A sickly green light emanates from Draccouth's eyes and mouth, and he shouts in pain. Arunyia chuckles and pulls his rapier out and Draccouth falls to the ground.
-Arunyia: Apology accepted
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:42 pm: |
I'm sorry, Grompsh didn't seem like he died, but I felt it was implied as he didn't appear anywhere after that point in the story. Also, I thought it a better ending that everybody died (except Shadakra).
I'm putting together a collection of my shorter works for fun, but also as a portfolio piece for my college plans. Would it be alright with you guys if I used this short story, slightly spicing it up and giving all of you credit? It would be much appreciated.
Damn, four posts in a row! I neeed a break.
| By Squeeman on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 11:53 pm: |
Thanks. I was quite proud of that part myself. Even if I was afraid of pissing Evercursed off.
I rather liked the idea of spitting a little bit of uselessness into that noble sacrifice, even if it was mean.
That would be fine with me. Lol.
-Admissions Guy: So, what do you plan to gain from coming to [insert generic collegey name]?
-You: Well... I was considering getting possessed by some kind of demon, falling in love with a girl who needs serious anger management treatment, and getting killed by a giant metallic spider man.
-Admissions Guy: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
| By Greven (Evercursed) on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 02:13 am: |
Aww. The second part is so good.
I really didn't mind that Draccouth was impaled. it was worth it.
| By Squeeman on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 12:12 pm: |
I do pity Shadakra in that story- for reasons other than just tragic loss.
Think about it. When she dies, she'll have to spend all eternity with Ryu.
I do wonder, LoS. What would Arunyia's alignment be if it weren't for the fact that he is possessed (in a manner of speaking)? Would he still be lawful evil? Or would he be nicer? Bearing in mind that evil people are perfectly capable of being nice- they just try harder to benefit themselves. I mean, Arunyia was not a particulary caring person, for example, when he first met Ryu.
Well, anyway.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 01:09 pm: |
But that wasn't really him. It was the other persona. Withought it, he would be lawful neutral. But because it rests dormant within him, he is much meaner now. The last thousand years of Arunyia's life have been a hellish journey. If you read into the first post I made for the campaign, he had come to accept his cruel fate, even justifying the murders he committed.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 01:18 pm: |
Are we supposed to post our biographies somewhere, or are they only for ourselves and the DM until later?
| By Squeeman on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 03:09 pm: |
I guess it really depends. If your character feels like recounting his (or her) life to the others, there is probably no harm in posting it. If you feel like being the closed type, then don't.
Regardless, you should probably tell the DM. I stand as a great beacon of hypocrisy on that count, though, since I've been lazy in actually giving Manello a detailed past. I mean, I've thought of a few things here and there- reasons for him to be so closed and contemptuous- but nothing definite.
Yeah, I guess it was his evil side. Its just that sometimes the good and evil sides take positions from which it is easy to tell that both are talking, and sometimes it is hard to differentiate between them (or tell if they're even there).
| By Xion on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 09:05 pm: |
@Squeeman: Can you do a skit with Ryu and Twilight? It should certainly prove to be interesting to say the least, and quite humorous.
| By Squeeman on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 09:23 pm: |
I guess. Let me think of something.
| By Squeeman on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 09:49 pm: |
::The group is camping out.
-Ryu (to Shadakra): Blah blah blah us. Blah blah relationship. Blah blah blah you can't get enough of me blah.
-Shadakra ( literally grinding her teeth together): Sweet Marit Lage, MAKE IT STOP! Ryu, why do you always have to pester me. Why don't you go bother Twilight instead?
::Ryu winks at her
-Ryu: Aw, but you'd get jealous.
-Shadakra: Why don't we just see about that.
-Ryu: Okay.
::He walks over to where Twilight is sitting on a log, sorting her spell components.
-Ryu: Hey baby. You know, it takes two to procreate, and look! There's two of us!
::Both of them hear a loud groan from Shadakra, who is listening in on the conversation despite herself
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Sigh, okay I have no idea how to finish it. Well, I have one idea, involving Ryu being scarred for life, but that takes us too far into the realm of your taste in females, and I want neither to offend you, nor to provoke another such inane discussion. Also, I don't know enough Gothy people to have any clue how they stereotypically act.
If you have an ending, put it in.
I am sorry. I have failed you all.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 05:56 am: |
Everything I know about stereotyping goth people are things that do not fit within a fantasy setting. Ie: Listening to goth rock, going to special clubs, playing Vampire the masquerade, etc... then there's the whole depressed thing.
Ah well, stereotypes suck anyhow
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:55 am: |
Just make her act gloomy. That would work fine, she is not a full goth anyway.
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 02:13 pm: |
Also, Ryu couldn't be "scarred for life" unless he managed to get her dress off. Given his "personality" I doubt this would be probable. If you are going to do this dont make her your sterotypical overly depressed goth. Instead use the guidlines for personality I chose when creating the character.
| By Squeeman on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 03:57 pm: |
Yeah, I just don't have any ideas right now. When I think of something, I'll write it up.
Or someone else can do it. I know I'm not the only one here with a sense of humor.
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 04:21 pm: |
We can both agree that starting such an inane discussion is not a good idea, however you never have to worry about offending me as there are few things that can.
Twilight looks at Ryu surprised that he would say something so rude, and moronic. (this I take it is soon after they have met, otherwise she would expect it)
Her face depicts the same look of confusion. "What did you say?"
Shadakra rolls her eyes at his stupidity, and thinks "Ryu is beyond pathetic. I cannot believe that fate has conspired to have me encounter a fool like him! How I wish I could rid myself of his foolishness forever."
Ryu pauses in harassing Twilight, glances at Shadakra and says " Missing me already baby?, that's okay." "I know no one can resist my charm ." "Don't worry, I'll give you all the attention you need tonight honey"
Shadakra gritts her teeth in rage, and tries to resist tearing Ryu limb from limb. Ryu gives her another big smile, and turns to Twilight.
Ryu: "Hey is there a mirror in your pocket baby?"
Twilight: " No...why?"
Ryu: "Because I can see myself in your pants"
To be continued...
| By Jimmy Patterson (Maraxus) on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 05:03 pm: |
i just had a thought. Wouldn't it be odd if this whole thing was conspired by judeas the mind breaker?
| By Squeeman on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:24 pm: |
What, the entire campaign? Or Ryu and Twilight?
| By Jimmy Patterson (Maraxus) on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:32 pm: |
the whole campaign
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:32 pm: |
Probably the whole campaign...
| By Squeeman on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:36 pm: |
Another thought: Wouldn't it be amusing if Ryu was a 'Dark Lord' and HE planned the whole orc invasion (and all the other crazy stuff thats going on in the world).
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:37 pm: |
Don't give Kaos any ideas.
| By Squeeman on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 06:51 pm: |
Yes it would be odd. For the following reasons:
1) You and Nemesis somehow independently conceive of the exact same character and plot.
2) Judeas has no motive that you've mentioned, and I don't know too many people who organize orcish invasions for a lark (although orcs do it all the time).
3) Anyone who lives in the same world as Ryu is odd by default.
4) Anyone who lives in the same world as ANYONE related to Kaos is odd by default.
5) Because I say so.
It would be even more odd if Judeas, as yet unknown to the group, conspired to bring Ryu and Twilight together so that Ryu could irritate her. It'd really make you wonder how bored people with power truly have the potential to get.
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 09:09 pm: |
She would probably ignore him after a while, he is more annoying to Shadakra.
| By Squeeman on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 09:29 pm: |
Indeed, but Judeas is no fool. If truly he plots to make Ryu drive her insane, rest assured that it will be a Herculean task to stand in the way of his dark schemes.
Evil takes many forms. Stupidity is one of them. I should know.
| By Xion on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 09:46 pm: |
Whatever you say...perhaps this would merit a story? You know Judeas using Ryu to piss everyone off as a means to achieve world domination.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 05:03 am: |
Who is Judeas?
| By Xion on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 07:58 am: |
Maraxus back-up character. He is a level 10 mindbender.
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 09:56 am: |
Haha, I can see it all now.
The party meets their greatest nemesis in Judeas!
Nemesis: Chapter 1
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::Judeas is watching the group through a scrying bowl.
-Judeas: Yeeeeeeees. Excellent. It seems everything is going according to plan. Soon, the inanity of Ryu will have driven Twilight insane!
-Servant: Ummm. Why do you care?
-Judeas: Fool! Do you not see the purpose here? Are you blind to the greater destiny that will be wrought through my actions?
-Servant: Actually, I think you're just incredibly bored and have to find something to do with your time instead of watching over people you don't even know.
-Judeas: Be silent! You know nothing! My control over this Ryu is of great importance and will lead to massive world change!
-Servant: Control? I thought he was just naturally stupid.
::Weird rippling effect
~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~
:End weird rippling effect. Judeas is in an alleyway in Aredan. Ryu walks jauntily by.
-Judeas: Ryu!
::Ryu stops, and looks in the alleyway.
-Ryu: Yeah?
-Judeas: Come here, Ryu.
-Ryu: Okay. ^__^
-Judeas: Are you not surprised that I know your name?
-Ryu: W00t! No, I'm Ryu! I'm a lovable bard! Everyone knows me!
-Judeas: Wha... never mind. Ryu, you will be my slave. Resistance is futile.
::Ryu shrugs and begins breakdancing.
-Ryu: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ^__^
-Judeas: What are you doing? Stop it before someone sees us!
-Ryu: Aw... is that was you were thinking? Sorry, but I only dig chicks.
::He continues breakdancing. A bead of sweat streams down Judeas' brow.
-Judeas: Enough nonsense. I did not bring you here to ask you to help me. I have enough power to break your fragile mind like a twig!
::Judeas unleashes a mental assault. He casts his mind into Ryu's seeking to dominate it and beat it down.
-Judeas: Yes! Now your will shall fall to m-
::The great barrage of stupidity that is Ryu's mind hits Judeas like a cannon, a tidal wave.
-Judeas: What? This cannot be! So... much... idiocy! Weeeeeeeee... no! Must... resist! Must... ^__^!
::Judeas quickly breaks the mental link, and emerges to find himself breakdancing. He is sweating profusely and panting. He falls flat on his back. People are staring at the two breakdancers. Ryu gets up.
-Ryu: Well, it was nice meeting you, mister.
::He spots a comely female in the crowd
-Ryu: Hey baby, wanna get a room?
::Ryu goes skipping happily past the crowd.
::Weird rippling effect
~~~~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~~~~
::End weird rippling effect. Judeas is trembling
-Judeas: That just goes to show that you know nothing. NOTHING! My control over Ryu is... absolute! Now fetch me a drink!
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 10:42 am: |
More coming soon...
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 04:17 pm: |
Nemesis: Chapter 2
::Judeas is looking in his scrying bowl
-Ryu: You know, Twilight, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. I've been an idiot. Sorry.
-Twilight: Ryu, thank you. I appreciate you realizing how much all this talking has been irritating me.
-Ryu: So we're agreed! Forget the talking. Lets get it on now! Weeeeeeeeeee!
-Twilight: Leave me alone.
::Ryu winks at her
-Ryu: All right. I guess this is one of "getting in the mood" things, huh?
-Twilight: Yeah, thats it. The mood... (under her breath) for homocide.
-Ryu: Okay, I'm gonna go find Shadakra.
::He winks at her again. Flash to Judeas, sitting in his scrying room
-Judeas: So... this elf is coming in between them. Well, we must do something about this, mustn't we?
-Servant: No. We must stop being an idiot and SEE. A. PSYCHIATRIST!
-Judeas: I don't pay you to judge me, you know.
-Servant: With all due respect, you don't pay me at all. You've bound me here with your mind powers.
-Judeas: Ah yes, mind powers. And that reminds me...
::Sends a psionic blast into the servant.
-Judeas: It'd suck to be a villain if you couldn't be randomly cruel. Booyah!
-Servant: Booyah? What a stupid word. And not a particularly villainous one either.
-Judeas: Quiet you. I don't pay you to...
-Servant: Sir, you DON'T PAY ME. PERIOD.
-Judeas: QUIET!
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*
A few days later...
::The group is trying to sneak past a throng of evil cultists worshipping some dark beastial pantheon. They are crawling in bushes near the altar, trying to get around. Ryu is just behind Twilight and just in front of Shadakra. Suddenly, Ryu stands up, and calls to the cultists.
-Ryu: Hey, any of you know where a guy can get drunk? I got a couple of ladies who can't get their eyes off me here, but they're the talking kind. I seriously need to wear down their inhibitions.
-Shadakra: What the... you bastard! Dear Goddess, give me strength!
::Manello and Arunyia who are in front, stop.
-Arunyia: You ever wonder what makes him so stupid?
-Manello: I prefer not to think of it, really.
::The cultists look at each other for a moment, perplexed.
-Head Cultist: You have disturbed our ceremony and desecrated the holy ground. You shall be offered up as sacrifice to [insert unpronounceable deity name]!
-Manello: By all means, take him. You'd be doing us a favor.
-Ryu: Hey!
-Xion: I think he means all of us, M'enteth.
-Manello: I know. I was hoping for the best.
::A battle ensues. Eventually, the group manages to slaughter the cult. Xion, Arunyia, and Shadakra talk
-Shadakra: You know, we serve dark gods. Hasn't it ever struck you as odd that we go about slaying the evil?
-Arunyia: Not at all. Think about it. In slaughtering these cultists, our own skills are honed.
-Xion: Not to mention we do away with the competition.
::A big shimmering portal appears in the room. Shadakra inexplicably runs towards it. She darts through, and it closes.
-Manello: Well, that was unexpected.
-Arunyia: No... Shadakra... no...
-Ryu: Weeeeeeee!
-Twilight: I know I should feel scared for the elf, but now that she's gone, who's going to prevent Ryu from coming after me?
::Judeas is back in his scrying room
-Judeas: Excellent observation, my dear. One might almost think you were onto me.
-Servant: All right, milord. The elf is safely locked away in the dungeon.
-Judeas: Wonderful. The portal and mental compulsion I sent did the trick. Shall we pay her a little visit?
::Judeas (donning his black mask) and the servant go down the stairs to the dungeon. The stairs, of course, are gothic-styled, and spiral in an appropriately sinister way. They reach Shadakra's cell
-Judeas: So, elf. We meet at last. With you out of the way, my plans are certain to come to fruition.
-Shadakra: Who are you? Why am I here?
-Judeas: Patience, elf. All will be answered in time. To begin with, I...
... am JUDEAS!
::An impressive little swirl of energy surrounds him.
-Shadakra: And my second question...
-Judeas (irritated since his dramatic revelation failed to impress her): You are my prisoner. You will remain here until Ryu has driven Twilight insane with his inane banter.
-Shadakra: What?
-Judeas: I said...
-Shadakra: I heard what you said, human. What I'm trying to make sense of is why.
-Servant: sighs He thinks that the ultimate act of power is to have Ryu drive Twilight insane with his corny pickup lines. *Apparently* this will have some sort of global outcome that will ensure his seat of power as master of this world.
-Judeas: Is it clear to you now?
-Shadakra: Whats clear to me is that you're a loony who has far too much free time on his hands.
-Servant: Thats what I keep trying to tell him.
-Judeas: SILENCE! Both of you!
::He brings his face up close to the bars to taunt her further. Shadakra, quick as lightning, slips her nimble wrist through the bars, and grabs the hem of Judeas' robe. She yanks him towards the bars, slamming his face on them.
-Shadakra: Give me one reason not to kill you right now.
::She relinquishes her grasp. Judeas stands up
-Judeas: Mind control. Never leave home without it. Booyah!
-Servant: First of all, you are at home. Second, what did I tell you about saying "booyah"?
-Judeas: I. Told. You. To. Be. SILENT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...
| By Xion on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 04:37 pm: |
Lol, you never cease to amaze me.
I thought that Xion would have to be gone for Twilight to be in the party. Otherwise you could expect her to be alot less alone...Maybe Judeas can be one of those repentant villans that eventually joins the party after he has been defeated. If fact, Judeas could be the reason Twilight remembers nothing of her past, after all he is a mind bender. Maybe there is something he wishes her to prevent her from knowing. The plot thickens...
@Maraxus: It is of course your decision as if you wish to do this or not...
@Nemesis: If and when I get to use my back-up character her crystal could play some part in the story.
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 05:41 pm: |
Why thank you, Xion.
As for Xion the cleric/necromancer also being in the story, well, I was wondering about that too. When you come down to it, Xion being in the story means that I have more people to give lines to, which means I can give fewer lines to Twilight (who I really don't know how to write). Not that I don't like the character. I just find her the hardest to write.
| By Xion on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 06:40 pm: |
She is mysterious, you are not supposed to know.
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 07:35 pm: |
Ah. All the better.
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 08:59 pm: |
Nemesis: Chapter 3
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that day...
::Ryu and Arunyia are talking about Shadakra
-Arunyia: I... I can't believe she's gone. The one person I was ever able to feel closeness to... the only person I was able to lo...
-Ryu: Man that Shadakra chick totally digs me! She could never keep her hands off. I swear, its like she loves me or something. Crazy *****. I mean, she's really...
::Hagar and Grompsh are alerted by the beastial cry of hatred. They arrive to see Arunyia on top of Ryu, strangling him. They quickly pry the two apart.
-Ryu: Thanks guys. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! *__*
::He runs off.
::Not far away, Twilight is sitting on a log. Xion walks up to her
-Xion: I've wanted to talk to you.
-Twilight: All right.
-Xion: I must warn you, I'm not any good at expressing myself. My chosen duty has made it difficult to interact with other people.
-Twilight: Thats all right. I understand. What did you want to tell me?
::Xion sits down next to her
-Xion: What I'm about to tell you is extremely personal- things I've never told any other living soul. I...
-Ryu: ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
::Ryu, coming from behind, jumps between the two, knocking Xion off the log and into the mud.
-Ryu: Hey baby, in the "mood" yet?
-Twilight: Go away.
::She turns to see Xion, but he has already tromped off
::In his scrying room, Judeas is watching
-Judeas: Another obstacle? This must be dealt with at once!
-Servant: Or you could just give the whole stupid venture up.
-Judeas: No. That would not do. Especially when I'm so close to my grand goal.
-Servant: But you don't even have a goal! All you want is for Ryu to piss Twilight off! THERE IS NO POINT!
-Judeas: I should punish you for your insolence.
-Servant: I don't think it actually gets much worse than having to serve an imbecile. Booyah!
::The servant clasps his hands over his mouth
-Servant: Did I say that? Booyah! Booyahbooyahbooyah! BOO-YAH!
::Silence
-Servant: You make a very convincing case.
-Judeas (smiling): Of course. Now back to the matter of this Xion. How should I deal with him to properly remove any interference? Should I kidnap him like I did the elf? Or should I just have him dispatched?
-Servant: Jeez, you're a mind-bender! Why not just make him not care about Twilight?
-Judeas: No. No, that would be too easy.
-Servant: You mean that would be too logical and practical. ... BOOYAH! Master, you are cruel.
-Judeas: I prefer "original," personally. But enough of this tomfoolery. What of this Xion? Wait a minute! I have it! A plot so complex and hideously twisted that none of them... not even Ryu will be able to unveil the multiple layers!
-Servant: But Ryu's an idiot.
-Judeas: Exactly!
-Servant: So you're saying its a stupid plan?
-Judeas: ...I don't ask you to hang around, you know.
Servant: No, you force me to.
-Judeas: Well, regardless, I will put my plan into action.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: From now on, the word "Booyah" is to be censored from the text.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*
Meanwhile...
::The group has finally decided on action
-Manello: So its decided that we will try to rescue Shadakra?
::Nods all around
-Arunyia: Very well. But how do we begin? Where to we look?
-Ryu: You know, its possible that the answer to our problem- in fact, the very cause of it- may be right under our noses and we don't realize it.
-Xion: Don't try to think Ryu. It doesn't suit you.
-Manello: Right. Thats quite enough ridiculously unlikely suggestions for one session.
::Suddenly, two people completely identical to Xion walk up to the group. The only difference is that they have blue hair
-Fake Xion 1: Greetings. I am Xion. Do not believe this imposter in your midst.
-Fake Xion 2: Lies! I am the real Xion! Trust me!
::The group is stunned
-Grompsh: Grompsh does not understand? Why so many manlings look like Xion?
-Manello: I don't know. But its obvious enough that whoever did this is a complete imbecile.
::Back in the scrying room.
-Servant: THAT was your plan?
-Judeas: Yes. Ingenious, no?
-Servant: No. There is so much wrong with that idiotic plan I couldn't possibly list it all.
-Judeas: For example?
-Servant: FOR EXAMPLE... Why the hell do they have blue hair?
-Judeas (defensively): Well, I needed a way to be able to tell them apart from the real Xion, didn't I?
-Servant: You're a mind bender! You can probe them to find out! Your stupid clones look so different that only a completely blind imbecile couldn't tell the difference!
-Judeas: Oh, all right. Nitpicker. What else is wrong with my otherwise brilliant plan?
-Servant: Well, for one thing, why in the name of all that's holy...
-Judeas: Unholy...
-Servant: Whatever. Why in the name of all thats unholy did you make TWO of them?
-Judeas: Er...
-Servant: One would have been enough! That there are two of them automatically tips them off to the fact that someone is trying to replace Xion! And why didn't you have the real one kidnapped to remove suspicion or something?!
::Silence
-Judeas: Well, its a damn shame. Look. They're playing their part to perfection
::Through the scrying bowl
-Fake Xion 1: Twilight, I must tell you that I have no feelings for you and that you should stay away from me while Ryu makes his advances.
-Fake Xion 2: I do not have feelings for you either, Twilight.
-Twilight: Okaaaaaaaaaaay.
::The fake Xions make their way over to Ryu.
-Fake Xion 1: Enter into the manifest will of Yawgmoth. I will compleat you.
-Fake Xion 2: No! I will compleat you! Do not listen to this imposter!
-The Real Xion: I do NOT sound like that.
-Ryu: Uh, you guys. Can't we just all be friends? Hugglez!
::The two fake Xions stare at each other for a moment.
-Fake Xion 1: No, we cannot be friends. I must compleat you.
-Fake Xion 2: No, I must compleat you.
-Ryu: Thats not nice.
::Ryu gets ready for a fight. He punches Fake Xion 1, then Fake Xion 2. They disappear in puffs of blue smoke. Back in the scrying room
-Judeas: Curse you, Ryu! You may have defeated me this once, but I still hold all the cards! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
-Servant: Lets count them. You have the elf, and the fact that he doesn't know who you are. Thats not very impressive.
-Judeas: Shut up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...
| By Xion on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 09:16 pm: |
Now THAT was funny! Seriously, these just keep getting better and better. Fake Xion clones with blue hair that disappear into puffs of smoke when touched. I cant wait until maraxus sees how much fun you are having with his character.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 09:59 pm: |
I enjoyed the part where Arunyia strangles Ryu. That was great.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 10:07 pm: |
I would enjoy another serious skit.
| By Squeeman on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 11:41 pm: |
That reminds me. In this story, Judeas seems to be getting progressively more idiotic. I have to stop that process before he becomes totally brain dead. Or worse... as bad as Ryu!
Why don't you do a serious skit, LoS? Yours was pretty good. You have a great flair for the dramatic.
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 09:02 am: |
Grr. I can't think of a decent continuation.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 04:22 pm: |
Much appreciated, Squeeman. I'll try to do it again.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 06:17 pm: |
|Perpetual Darkness|
"What a disappointment. I had not expected this to be so easy..." an evil, yet very familiar voice echoes.
Hagar is the first to stir from unconciousness. As his vision clears, he sees a terrible, yet not entirely unexpected, sight. With the exception of Xion and Manello, the party members lie strapped to operation tables in Xion's laboratory. As Hagar looks about shocked, the others stir.
Xion sits on a throne made of both humanoid bones and twisted metal, in the shape of a gnarled hand. Manello stands at his right flank. The tables are positioned so that they form a half-circle about Xion's dark throne. "Ah, so the mighty heroes awaken at last." he exclaims emotionlessly.
"What do ye want from us, madman?" Hagar demands.
"Yeah, manling, you release Grompsh and his friends. NOW." Grompsh pitches in.
"Oh, that won't be happening any time soon." Xion replies. "You are all to be used to the greater glory of Phyresis and its dark master." He rises from his chair in a fluid, seamless motion. "You see, I am not what I appear. I am much, much more..." With that, Xion begins a terrible transformation.
He grows several feet in height. His hair falls out, and cables sprout from his head in a likewise fashion. Four smokestacks protrude from his back, spewing a green bile. His jaw unhinges, making his mouth much wider; within, his teeth have been replaced by metal blades, and his throat sparks with white enegy. His fingers elongate to nearly a foot in length each, all of them ending in wicked claws. He laughs a sinister, hollow laugh, more metallic in nature than human.
"What..." Shadakra says, a look of shock and terror on her face. "What in the Hells are you?"
"He is what I always knew him to be," Arunyia calmly responds from his table. "A sleeper agent, and one of his master's Inner Circle, to boot."
A strange look overtakes Xion's face. He strides over to Arunyia's table, and brings his face to meet Arunyia's. "How do you know of me?" he bellows in a monotonous, mechanic rumble. Arunyia simply laughs, but it is not his voice. "No matter," Xion continues. "You will be cmopleated, and I will have your knowledge one way or another."
"I thought we were all friends!" Ryu screams from across the room, in rage. "Friends don't do this to each other!" He opens his mouth, casting summon instrument. A ukelele appears in his hands, and he begins to play it while singing. It is actually a bardic song of strength, boosting the party members' strength. They all begin to rip through their bonds.
"You fool!!" Xion bellows, rushing over to Ryu's table. He raises his arm high, and a black blade of bone protrudes from his wrist. He stabs downward with all of his might, impaling the bard onto the table. Blood spurts from his mouth, as he tries to continue singing.
"NOOO!" Hagar, Grompsh, and Draccouth all cry in unison, as they break through their bonds and rush Xion unarmed. Arunyia and Shadakra also break free, but they focus instead on a table towards the back of the room, which holds their weaponry. Manello notices them, and pursues.
Xion, in his rage, stabbed too far into the table. His right arm is stuck inside Ryu's stomach. Blood squirts from the wound in dark streams, as Xion struggles to free himself. Somehow, Ryu is still alive, although barely. Hagar, Grompsh, and Draccouth are still entirely outmatched by him, even disabled as he is.
Just as Arunyia and Shadakra reach the table, Manello shouts, "You cannot defeat us! Phyresis is the only way!" They turn to see him charging at them, rapier raised above his head.
"Here!" Shadakra shouts, tossing Arunyia his rapier from the table. He catches it, and blocks Manello's blow. An amazing swordfight ensues, neither of them giving an inch. Shadakra grabs the weapons, and rushes to where the others fight Xion. Just as she arrives, Xion begins to get the upper hand.
"Fools, all of you!" Xion shouts. "Blinded FOOLS!!" He raises his left arm, and his scythe whizzes to it from beside his throne, bellowing smoke form its smokestacks. He swings it in a broad arc, but he misses Hagar on account of his height. Draccouth also manages to dodge it, on account of his Elven reflexes. Grompsh is not so lucky. It embeds in his right side, and the blade protrudes from his abdomen. Xion gives it a quick jerk, and it rips out forward, flayed muscles, organs, and blood flinging about. With a beastial cry of pain, Grompsh collapses to the hard, metal floor bloodied, and his eyes roll back into his head. He is dead.
"Over here!" Shadakra shouts to Draccouth and Hagar. They quickly dart to where she stands, out of Xion's reach, and arm themselves. "First, you betrayed us." she addresses Xion. "Now, you've killed Ryu and Grompsh." Hagar and Draccouth lower their heads in memory of their fallen comrades. "We will never be compleated, Xion. Prepare to die."
Through the intense pain and with his own blood nearly drowning him, Ryu finally manages to speak. "Not dead... yet..." he says, barely audible. "Shadakra... I... love..." Xion grins a terrible grin, stabbing Ryu in the chest with the other bladed arm.He also uses it to cut downward, freeing his arm but nearly cleaving Ryu in half in the process. He turns to face them, crimson blood staining his entire body.
"I am compleat," he says in a mechanical hiss. "I cannot be defeated."
As Arunyia fends off savage blows from Manello, his evil half speaks with him internally. 'You know the only way to save them,' Arunyia's dark half proposes. 'Is to give in, to let us take control of you.'
'NO! There must be some other way.' Arunyia mentally responds. He glances over to where the others battle Xion, who has finally freed himself. He sees cables whip up out of the floor, firmly binding Shadakra, Hagar, and Draccouth. This sends him into a frenzy.
Arunyia screams in rage, and thrust his rapier with all his might. It penetrates Manello's stomach, and protrudes from his back. Xion, who was looming over the others and preparing to kill them all, reels in pain. For he and Manello shared a mental bond upon his compleation, and what one feels, the other does as well. But all is not well. Manello had not revealed himself, yet he too, had been compleated. Wires slither up Arunyia's rapier, coil around his arms, and continue to wrap about his body. Golden glistening-oil leaks from his grievous wound, yet Manello is still very much alive.
"HA! Did you think one such as I could be killed so easily?" he triumphantly declares, as the wires constrict about Arunyia, making it difficult for him to breathe. Manello pulls Arunyia's face close to his, and opens his mouth, revealing a grin of hypodermic needles. Arunyia's eyes light up an intense red, and flame shoots out of his mouth, melting Manello's face off. He screams in agony as the glistening-oil pouring from him lights up, and falls to the ground writhing and twisting about. The flames engulf both him and Arunyia in a hellish inferno.
"NO!" Shadakra screams. She manages to cut the wires holding herself. Xion still flails about, in even greater agony, as if he himself were ablaze. Shadakra cuts Hagar and Draccouth's bonds, who rush Xion, slashing and hacking away at him.
Shadakra rushes to where the fire rages on. She can't get very close, as the heat is too intense. "Arunyia!" she calls, yet there is no answer. Then, the flames begin to swirl. Arunyia walks forth, completely unscathed, yet naked as his clothes were incinerated. But he does not look the same. He now sports a pair of demonic wings, and his legs now resemble those of a goat. There is a movement behind him, and Shadakra realizes he has a tail. It ends in a wicked barb, black and pointed. His eyes burn brighter than ever, a sinister smile on his lips.
"Marit Lage save us," Shadakra pleas. "What have you become?"
For a mere moment, the true Arunyia emerges. His eyes are sad and distant, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I have given everything," he says. "My very soul is the price I have paid, so that you and the others may live, and Xion shall fall. I am using one evil to destroy another." With that, the new Arunyia's voice takes over in a shriek of hatred. He spreads his wings, and takes flight. He screams through the air, towards Xion.
Xion finally regains his bearings, and swats Draccouth and Hagar aside effortlessly. "Worthless gnats!" he spits at them. "You are nothing before the might of Phyrexia!" He raises his scythe above his head, and begins a downswing directed at Hagar. His blow never connects, as Arunyia careens into him. The two tumble through tables, bundles of wires, and bizarre machinery from the momentum.
Arunyia and Xion rise, circling each other maliciously. Xion raises a hand, and wires shooot out of the floor. Arunyia effortlessly dodges them, as they crash through the ceiling. He makes a few archaic gestures at Xion, and several magic missiles made of hellfire instead of energy shoot forth from his hands in rapid succession. Xion is pinned against a wall by the sheer force of the projectiles. "NOW!" Arunyia screams, and Hagar, Draccouth, and Shadakra all charge at Xion. His body is cut into several quivering pieces, which move on their own for a few minutes, then lie still. Xion is no more.
Shadakra cautiously approaches Arunyia. "What are you?" she asks. "What have you become?"
"I let the darkness take over," Arunyia responds. "Even now, I can barely contain it. I need to be released from this hell, and sent to the next. Please, if you ever cared for me, kill me, destroy this evil once and for all!" Arunyia doubles over, laughing. His face visibly contorts between expressions of extreme malice and pain. With great effort, he throws himself onto a jagged pipe protruding from the floor. Black blood oozes from the wound, igniting the floor about him. But he isn't dead yet. He writhes in agony, shrieking in hellish discord. "End it! KILL ME!!"
Shadakra raises Frostbite high, then swings downward. The battleaxe cuts through muscle, tendons, and bones with a sickening noise, and Arunyia is decapitated. His body falls limp on the spike, and finally, after nearly seven-thousand years of torment and pain, he is released. Shadakra drops Frostbite and falls to her knees, sobbing. Hagar places a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.
Suddenly, a bright, white light fills the room. It originates from where Grompsh and Ryu died. When it abates, Draccouth rests against Ryu's table, barely able to breathe. Completely restored, Grompsh and Ryu rise. Shadakra and Hagar rush over to them, and Shadakra is surprised when she embraces Ryu.
"Hey, baby." Ryu responds with a smooth smile. "Did you miss me?" Shadakra releases him, and slaps him across the face.
fin.
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 06:18 pm: |
Nemesis: Chapter 4
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::Draccouth is sharpening his blade on a whetstone, thinking various holy thoughts. Suddenly, Xion and Arunyia barge through the trees. They stop at him, panting.
-Arunyia: Quick, Draccouth! We may have a clue about Shadakra! Use your paladin's ability to detect evil!
-Xion: There is no time to lose!
::Draccouth misses the smirk exchanged by the two.
-Draccouth: Very well.
::He activated his 'detect evil' ability. Suddenly, he is overwhelmed by the sheer amounts of malice and cruelty in the area, emanating from Xion and Arunyia. His nervous system goes into shock. The drow screams then collapses, twitching occasionally.
-Arunyia: Ahahahaha! Thats great! Man, we have to do this more often!
-Xion: Heh heh, yeah. Stupid paladin.
::They walk off. Meanwhile, back in the scrying room...
-Judeas: OMFG, thats brilliant! I have to do that myself someday... Yeeeeeeeeeeees. But first I'll have to erase their minds so it seems like I thought of it first. Mwahahahaha...
::He cuts himself off.
-Judeas: No time for that now, though. I must complete the ritual.
::He steps outside of a large summoning circle, and chants several arcane words. A giant brain poofs into existence in the circle.
Why have you summoned me? it thinks to him.
-Judeas: My recent failure has troubled me. I came up with a truly stupid plan to foil my enemies.
Maybe you're just an idiot...
-Judeas: Shut up! Jeez, even a giant hovering brain takes cracks at me!
Oh all right, all right. I suppose we super-evolved celestial beings aren't allowed a sense of humor?
-Judeas: Look, I didn't mean to offend you.
Well, its a little late for that, isn't it? Oooo, look at me! I'm a human and I think I can tell higher powers how to behave! Ooo, look at me with my primate hands waving about and performing rituals! I'm so darn special just because I can wave a magic wand!
-Judeas: Now that was uncalled for.
No it wasn't. I'm sick of all this nonsense you spoiled mortals make us immortals put up with! Solve your problems without me. Goodbye. Loser.
::The giant brain disappears.
-Judeas: Well, that was a waste of spell components.
::Muttering to himself, he begins the ritual again. Another brain poofs into existence.
Greetings, wizard. How may I be of service to you?
-Judeas: Thank goodness. At least you are proving less argumentative then that last giant floating brain.
Hey! You're the guy who pissed off my brother, Melvin! Screw you. You're not getting any answers from me until you learn some manners.
::The brain poofs out of existence
-Judeas: Melvin? Giant extraplanar brains give themselves names like Melvin?! Well, anyway, the ritual had better work this time. I'm running out of spell components.
::He begins the ritual again. Another brain poofs into existence.
What do you want?
-Judeas: I seek your aid.
::The brain probes his mind. Suddenly, it lets out a cry of mental anguish.
Such pointless nonsense! It infects me! I must... I must flee!
::The brain poofs out of the plane.
-Judeas: Well, that was useless. I suppose its consolation that I've inadvertently doomed a hive-minded race of celestial superbeings to stupid extinction.
::He looks back in the scrying bowl. Xion and Twilight are talking.
-Judeas: Curses. I need to do something about this obstacle! I must expand my will through the surroundings and stop him!
Back at the heroes' camp...
-Xion: So you see, Twilight, I...
::Suddenly, the woodlands come alive. From behind the trees fly thousands of little pixies. They come at Xion, grab him, and fly away with him. Manello walks up and sees this happening.
-Manello: I know this is a serious situation and all, but DAMN that looked funny!
-Twilight: We have to do something!
-Manello: Yeah, I know, I know. Lets gather the group
::Later, the group is gathered...
-Ryu: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Someone mysterious out there is attempting to pick off my friends one by one in a plot that somehow undoubtedly centers on me and my exploits!
-Manello: Ryu, if you have nothing insightful to say, then don't talk.
::Back in Judeas' castle, Xion is chained to a wall. Judeas walks into the room
-Judeas: So, Xion. We meet again!
-Xion: We've never met before.
-Judeas: Its a manner of speaking.
-Servant ((sighing): No it isn't.
-Judeas: Grr.
::He takes a deep breath
-Judeas: {font{charlesworth,So, Xion. We meet at last!}
-Servant: Why couldn't you just have said that the first time?
-Judeas (ignoring the servant): I have you now, Xion. Your troublesome meddling in my master plan has come to an end.
::Silence
-Judeas: Ah, Xion, Xion, Xion. You stand amazed.
-Xion: Actually, I don't.
-Judeas: Damn you! Why must people always contradict me?
-Servant: Maybe its because you're always wrong.
-Judeas: BE SILENT!
-Xion: Enough banter. Who are you? And why am I here?
-Judeas: Amusing. The elf used the exact same words.
-Xion: So, you have Shadakra...
-Servant: Oh, brilliant move, sir! Brilliant! You've just given him information!
-Judeas: Nonsense. I'm veritably cloaked in mystery. With my great schining, it will be no time at all before Ryu drives Twilight insane!
-Servant: A victory for higher thinking. Now he knows your plan too. Fantastic. You'll have to erase his memory now.
-Judeas (smiling): And a great deal of fun I shall have while doing so.
::Later, in the scrying room...
::The servant comes running in
-Servant: I received your summons, lord. What do you want now?
-Judeas: I have a special task for you. A task that will simultaneously remove ALL the obstacles in the path of my victory.
-Servant: What? But you just did! You said yourself that the elf and the freak were the two great obstacles!
-Judeas: Do not question me!
-Servant: Oh all right, what idiocy have you concocted now?
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To be continued...
| By Xion on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 06:48 pm: |
@Squeeman: That was not really that funny, although it was good to see your story continuing. Although the detect evil thing was funny.
@Aruniya: You seem to think that I constantly praise Phyrexia, and my demeaning and gloating always relate to that. This one was alot like the last. I betray the party, reveal myself as a Phyrexian Demon, and try to compleat them all. Someone through an epic battle defeats me despite my phyrexian enhancements, and then Aruiya ends up asking Shadakra to kill him.
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 07:18 pm: |
Yeah, I know it wasn't funny. I'm running out of ideas here.
| By Xion on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 07:22 pm: |
I don't blame you, I couldn't think up half of that.
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 07:44 pm: |
Oh, I'll still finish it. It'll just take longer. And it may not be funny. I'll give it a shot, though.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 08:06 pm: |
Yeah, I kind of made another one just like the last. It was really me fixing the way it happened last time. Admit it, it makes more sense when it's all written by one person. Besides, this time Draccouth didn't manifest, only Xion, Manello, and Arunyia died this time, Shadakra killed Arunyia, Shadakra wasn't hopelessly in love with Arunyia (or the other way around) just didn't want to but had to kill him, etc... the list goes on in differences. I apologize if anybody hates me now.
| By Xion on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 08:15 pm: |
Why would you presume people hate you? I don't hate you despite the fact that my character is the one who always dies, and is usually written wrong. I don't get angry over something like that.
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 08:40 pm: |
Hey, my character always dies too, Xion.
Hatred? No one here hates anyone else here that I know of.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 09:13 pm: |
No, it isn't ALWAYS like that. It's happened twice. Note that both, however, were written by me (and that my character also died, once everybody but Shadakra died, and Ryu and Grompsh this time, but not permanently for them). I just explained to you that I wanted to do basically the same thing, and I'm sorry I didn't capture you being emotionless (Oh wait, yes I did), coldhearted (natch), evil (double check), loving Phyrexia and the Ineffable (once again, I did that too), or calculating (you see where this is going). Maybe they weren't enough, I don't know. You mean to betray us anyways, you said so yourself, and I don't see many differences (if any at all) between the way I wrote out your character and the way you play him. I'm sorry if this upsets you, I just don't.
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 09:34 pm: |
That was really meant to be a sort of "what if Xion manages to trap the party and tries to compleat them as he said he would" type of scenario.
Quote:Xion thinks: Ah, at last we make our way. Xion notices the party fumbling about. None of them seem to be very wary at the moment. All the better for me. Soon, I will return to my labratory with a whole new shipment of live test subjects. I don't trust this Draccouth in the least. Paladins have always opposed me. Still, he has been somewhat usefull to us in revealing this conveniant escape tunnel of his. Once he has outlived his usefullness however he will be of no consequence to me. Lord Yawgmoth, all is transpiring as we have planned. They should have known better than to be so trustworthy of me.
:Xion smirks sinisterly to himself:
| By Jimmy Patterson (Maraxus) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 10:16 pm: |
ok, could someone please answer me why my characters are always stupid or end up dying on someones sword/blade/hand/insert random sharp object here/spell...
| By Squeeman on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 10:47 pm: |
LoS: I'm not pissed or anything. Cool down. No one is offended. I know that I can deal with my character dying in a story, and I'm pretty sure Xion is okay with it too. I was just pointing out to him that Xion isn't the only character who always dies. I don't feel any loss because of that. In fact, if anything, Xion, Yldal, and I should feel honored that our characters get so much coverage. The others are barely even mentioned, on the whole.
Maraxus: In my story, EVERYONE is pretty damn stupid. Judeas isn't an exception. Be glad- neither Grompsh nor Judeas got carried away by pixies.
Also, because we say so.
| By kaos on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 08:28 am: |
you should had made it so that even though the two xions had blue hair, the party still coudent tell the difference >.>
| By Xion on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 02:25 pm: |
The only way my character is played wrong is CONSTANTLY praising Yawgmoth, and Phyresis. As I said, he doesn't always have to rely on that for demeaning comments. Xion may or may not decieve and experiment on the party, he is considering it, after all he needs live test subjects. Still, I think that he will soon believe many of them to be more valuable alive. If he were to betray them he would say thing like " In death I save you. Your old bodies will be discarded and you shall be reborn as a greater being." etc. Besides, he would be more deceptive with his methods. I am by no means offended in any way, why would I be? I am only offering commentary. It is a well written, and detailed story.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 03:54 pm: |
Ah, don't get worked up too much over this. It's not like the stories are part of the actual deal. In truth it is all but impossible to write someone else's character to perfection.
And I do feel honored that my character gets so much coverage.
And hey, can anyone but Ryu honestly say that they've been getting the worst end of the deal most of the time?
| By Squeeman on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 04:54 pm: |
Exactly.
| By kaos on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 05:47 pm: |
lol i like Ryu being a complete idiot in your stories. I HAVE AN IDEA!!! MAKE RYU BECOME A PHYREXION. a retarded phyrexion, sounds kool ;)
| By Squeeman on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 06:46 pm: |
A retarded Phyrexian? Sounds more like the norm than 'cool'.
Just kidding, Xion. I don't actually mean that.
| By Xion on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 07:15 pm: |
I know...I can tell when you are joking and when you are serious.
| By Yldal (Yldal) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 07:26 pm: |
I think he was joking and being serious at the same time... that's fully possible you know
| By Arunyia Darkstar (Lordofsquirrels) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:23 pm: |
Point taken, Yldal. Ryu does get the worst of it quite often. Examples:
Quote:"You fool!!" Xion bellows, rushing over to Ryu's table. He raises his arm high, and a black blade of bone protrudes from his wrist. He stabs downward with all of his might, impaling the bard onto the table. Blood spurts from his mouth, as he tries to continue singing.
Quote:Through the intense pain and with his own blood nearly drowning him, Ryu finally manages to speak. "Not dead... yet..." he says, barely audible. "Shadakra... I... love..." Xion grins a terrible grin, stabbing Ryu in the chest with the other bladed arm.He also uses it to cut downward, freeing his arm but nearly cleaving Ryu in half in the process. He turns to face them, crimson blood staining his entire body.
Quote:"Hey, baby." Ryu responds with a smooth smile. "Did you miss me?" Shadakra releases him, and slaps him across the face.
| By kaos on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 01:56 pm: |
i dont remember those first two quotes at all 0__o